WAO Autumn Newsletter 2024

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Hello and welcome to Women’s aid Orkney’s Autumn Newsletter.

SERVICE USER’S FEEDBACK & ACHIEVEMENTS

  • CYP managing anxiety to start new employment opportunities.
  • Moving into own permanent accommodation, creating a safe family home for herself and her child.  
  •  ‘It’s important to take time for yourself’ – 8 Year old CYP after pamper session.
  • Taking steps to finally be free from her abuser and the community around him.  
  • ‘no- one is listening to me but you are, thank you’ – 12 year old CYP.
  • Successful transitions to KGS & Stromness Academy.
  • Finally being in a space where she can move on from the service as she is now in a safe, good place and no longer needs support.
  • Young People acknowledging unhealthy relationships & able to seek help for themselves & peers.
  •  ‘You do such important work’ -Freshers Fair Attendee
  •  ‘Own my life has been good to help me learn about abuse & helped me meet people who understand what I’ve been through.’
  • Settling into sessions and feeling more comfortable to engage in groups and 1-1 sessions.  
  •  Starting a new volunteer placement after years of not being able to work/volunteer.

Currently supporting 68 women

Currently supporting 37 children & young people

Currently supporting 3 families

Children and Young People’s Workshops

The children and Young People undertook an Orkney Matters workshop, where their views were gathered using verbal discussions and collage artwork. We discussed what was important to us, living in Orkney as Orkney Islands Council wanted the views of all ages. Picture shows each attendees important place and the words that stood out to them about their place and was important to them.

A note from a service user who decided to move away from Orkney:

Allow me to express my deepest gratitude for the incredible support thou hast graciously bestowed upon me in a time when the shadows of despair threatened my spirit, thy kindness and dedication shone forth as a guiding light, illuminating the path to newfound hope.

Once, there was a maiden, lost in the labyrinth of her fears and uncertainties. Yes, amidst the darkest nights, there appeared a gentle and wise guide, a paragon of compassion and strength. This guide, none other than thyself, extended a hand of friendship, leading the maiden from her tribulations into the embrace of the hope of serenity.

With thy every word, a spark of courage was kindled in my heart, and with thy every deed, my resolve was fortified. Thy presence has been akin to a steadfast guardian, a source of solace and inspiration.

It is my sincerest desire that our connection may endure, that I might continue to benefit from thy counsel and friendship. For thy guidance is of immense value to me.

With heartfelt appreciation and warmest regards.

Keep your light shining.

open envelope with heart made of colored carton
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Sexual Assault Response Coordination Service (sarcs)

If you have been raped or sexually assaulted yet are unsure or unready to report to the police, Orkney has several specialist services that offers you care for your health and well-being.

Sexual Assault Response Coordination Services (SARCS)

Telephone: 0800 148 88 88

SARCS is a dedicated NHS Scotland service which offers healthcare and support within 7 days after a rape or sexual assault.

Anyone aged 16 or over can self-refer to a SARCS

You can find out more at nhsinform.scot/SARCS

Orkney’s SARCS offers

  • Kind care where you are in control
  • Care for your immediate medical, emotional or practical needs
  • Choice by explaining your options, letting you decide
  • A forensic medical examination if appropriate.  This can be with a specially trained female doctor and nurse, if you prefer this. You can ask to have a trusted friend or relative with you before, during and after the examination if you wish
  • Storing of collected forensic evidence (which can be kept for up to 26 months) should you want to report to the police later 

Orkney Rape & Sexual Assault Service (ORSAS)

Telephone: 01856 872298

(ORSAS) offers:

  • advice and information whether you are a survivor of rape and sexual violence; a friend or relative of a survivor; or a worker from another agency.
  • advocacy support to people who have experienced a recent rape, attempted rape or sexual assault or who feel as if they are in crisis and need to see or speak to someone as soon as possible.
  • longer-term support for people after an initial crisis and for those who experienced rape or sexual violence in the past (recently or years ago), as an adult or as a child.

SUPPORTING WAO

We have a WAO Wish List on Amazon, if you would like to send us something, we would be incredibly grateful & it could really make someone’s day.  https://smile.amazon.co.uk/…/ref=nav_wishlist_lists_1

GETTING HELP…

Special Thanks…

  • Restart Orkney – for always being so helpful to service users when they are moving into new properties.
  • Police officers working with the DAIU (Domestic Abuse Inverness Unit​) for their help and advice.
  • Kirkwall Court’s Procurator Fiscal for enabling access to justice for survivors of domestic abuse.
  • Miss Peak & her S4 students for their fundraising of £268.50.  Through bake sales and dress down days.
  • Kirkwall Court’s Court Officer who always provides kind and calm support to survivors of domestic abuse.
  • Orkney Children’s Trust for their ongoing support to children in our service.
  • Samantha Thacker and Tracey Longworth who went above and beyond to offer such compassionate support for a woman in vulnerable circumstances.
words from letters in frame on pink background
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WAO Summer Newsletter 2024

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Hello and welcome to Women’s Aid Orkney’s Summer Newsletter.

SERVICE USER’S FEEDBACK & ACHIEVEMENTS

  • A service user who has secured a full-time job after an extended period of unemployment.
  • Attended transition days at KGS despite being very nervous.
  •  A service user and her little one settled into permanent accommodation.
  • Undertaken their SQA exams.
  • “Thank you so much, you do so much to help me, and I could not do this without your support.”
  • Making the brave decision to put herself and her child first to help them both heal.  
  • “I can’t wait to come to your groups in summer and meet other people like me.”
  • “It’s good to know you’re here if I need.”
  •  Getting herself and her children to safety by leaving the perpetrator.
  • “I approached womens aid and yet again their expertise empathy and caring nature is guiding me through this bad situation , I can see the light at the end of the tunnel which a few months ago I couldn’t see a future.  I genuinely don’t know where I would be without woman’s aid.”

CURRENTLY SUPPORTING 87 WOMEN

CURRENTLY SUPPORTING 49 CHILDREN & YOUNG PEOPLE

CURRENTLY SUPPORTING 5 FAMILIES

Women’s Aid Orkney Board

Women’s Aid Orkney are looking for new board members. If you would like to use your skills and experience to support a local charity, we would love to hear from you. No previous board experience is required, training and mentorship will be given to all new board members.

Please email info@womensaidorkney.org.uk to express your interest and receive a board application. Our current board members will also be happy to speak to anyone interested about what being on our board entails.

All applicants will require a PVG check.

Please note, applications will be accepted from women only under Schedule 9, part 1 of the Equality Act 2010.

Own My Life Employability

We are delighted to announce that we are running a pilot of Own My Life’s new Employability course. For one hour a week, over 6 weeks, we will be looking at the unique needs and challenges facing women obtaining and maintaining employment. Women do not need to be receiving support from Women’s Aid Orkney to take part.

Family Forward fun day

Join us on Saturday the 27th of July at the KGS hall, for a family fun day organized by Family Forward. Everybody is welcome! There will be plenty of food and drinks available, bouncy castle, face painting, glitter tattoos and more! The lucky dips will be £2, but everything else is free with the potential to donate if able. Come along, have a great day and find out what Family Forward do at Women’s Aid Orkney!

WAO Clothes donations

Women’s Aid Orkney are looking for donations of women’s clothing, shoes and accessories. We would be incredibly grateful for your donations, all we ask that items are in very good condition. We are looking for all sizes and styles.

Woman holding cardboard donation box full with clothes. Concept of volunteering work, donation and clothes recycling. Helping poor people

SUPPORTING WAO

We have a WAO Wish List on Amazon, if you would like to send us something, we would be incredibly grateful & it could really make someone’s day.  https://smile.amazon.co.uk/…/ref=nav_wishlist_lists_1

GETTING HELP…

Special Thanks…

  •  Restart Orkney, who continue to go out of their way to help people when in need to furniture for new houses.
  • Orkney Islands Council Homelessness and Advice department, who will go above and beyond even when working with such a difficult housing situation just now.
  • Thank you to everyone who has already donated clothing to us.
  • And a HUGE thank you to everyone who has supported us over the last few months.
a person holding a gray thank you signage
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16 Days of Action – Own My Life

During 16 Days of Action we will be sharing a collection of blog posts highlighting different topics Women & Children in our service are currently facing.

In this blog post, we would like to give you a full introduction to our Own My Life Course.

What is Own My Life (OML)

Own my life is an innovative and educational course for women who have experienced domestic abuse.  The course enables women to regain ownership of their life. 

Women’s Aid Orkney were the 1st organisation in Scotland to run the OML course and have been running the OML course since October 2020 and to date, have run 8 courses supporting 62 women. 95% of participants stated that they would recommend the OML course to someone else.

“I was very unsure whether to take part in the course initially but am so pleased I did, of course it was very nerve wracking to begin with but with time I felt at ease and even looked forward to Wednesday nights.  I was shocked at the content of the course as it literally replicated my experience, it could be very upsetting and triggering but also very educational, it confirmed to me that I had been abused and it wasn’t my fault.”

Participant in Women’s Aid Orkney’s ‘Own My Life’ course.

The course was initially run online via zoom and this year 2022 we started our 1st face to face session which is going well.  Moving forward we will be offering both zoom and face to face courses.
The course is designed to be friendly and informative where women can contribute as much or as little as they like.  There is no pressure to talk, in the zoom sessions, women are invited to use the chat facility if they don’t want to speak however we do ask everyone has there camera on.

We make a group confidentiality agreement during our 1st session and ask that what happens in the group stays in the group.

Everyone participating in the course whether online or in person receive an OML journal and welcome pack.  The journals are used for every session and is the ladies to keep and refer to forever.

The course has no homework or written work everything is covered in each session by the facilitators.

As Orkney is a small community and we understand that people may not want to join the course due to people possibly knowing them we are working in partnership with Ross-shire Women’s Aid enabling women from Orkney to participant in their online OML course and WAO offer spaces to women in Ross -shire who face the same difficulties of a small community.

“Own My Life has given me an opportunity to have something that is my own again, a safe place and source of stable comfort each week. What began as a journey of my own and despite the title signalling it is about one’s self the course is much more than that, it has become a group of women that each week I look forward to spending time with, chatting and where there is no judgement or pressure. Own My life has begun my new, better life.”

Participant in Women’s Aid Orkney’s ‘Own My Life’ course

Many women are hurt badly in abusive relationships and the trauma of this remains with them and impacts both the women and children and can have a long lasting dramatical effect.

The OML course helps women to make sense of what has happened to them and gives them the skills to move forward.

The course helps women to identify their skills and how they can move forward with their lives.

Women who attended were dealing with:

  • Difficult relationships
  • Nightmare ex’s
  • Horrible break up
  • Controlling partner, Ex

We do ask that women are no longer living with their partner to participate in the online course.

“This course will give you the tools to take back the power to be a strong independent woman who is amazing just as you are right now. The own my life course has begun my new better life”

Participant in Women’s Aid Orkney’s ‘Own My Life’ course

OML 14 – 25

Since facilitating the Own My Life course and with the input from young women in our community we identified a need for the course to be run with young women we therefore developed the OML 14-25 program that is being run from February 2023.  The course has been specifically developed to help young women learn about abuse, toxic relationships and red flags in order to help them make healthy choices in relationships and to help them heal and regain ownership of their lives.

If you would like to find out more about the Own My Life course, you can email info@womensaidorkney.org.uk

16 Days of Action – Tech Abuse

As part of this years 16 days of Action, we are putting together a selection of blog posts to highlight support and issues. This post will look at online safety and ways to keep yourself safe.

What is tech abuse?

Anyone can experience tech abuse, by someone they know or by a complete stranger. Perpetrators may use technology to control, harass, monitor or intimidate you. They may even carry out physical, sexual, psychological, or economic abuse using technology. For example, they may hack your phone, cyberstalk you, or use social media, cameras, or other kinds of technology to try to harm or control you or your children.

The number of women and children experience tech abuse is rising every year. Many women experiencing tech abuse feel they have no choice but to stop using online spaces or their devices, which further heightens their isolation.

As the hackers and perpetrators get more advanced, so does tech they can use. It’s no longer just phones and tablets that can be used to communicate, watch or get information but now with smart toys, pet tech and the misuse of tracking devices. The, knowledge of how to keep yourself safe from tech is needed.

What can we do to protect ourselves online?

As well as creating strong passwords and being aware of what information we give out, there are some helpful tools to help keep you safe and think about some areas of tech you may not have considered.

Refuge have recently launched a website dedicated to tech safety and ways to keep yourself safer online. They cover cyberstalking, hacked emails and what to do if an ex partner has access to your accounts and devices.

You can try their digital break-up tool, this tool helps you review commonly used apps and guides you in making each platform more secure.

https://refugetechsafety.org/digitalbreakup/

There is also an interactive home, the home tech tool highlights commonly misused internet connected devices in the home and guides you on how to keep them secure.

https://refugetechsafety.org/hometech/

There are a number of other websites with information regarding online safety. As well as Refuge tech safety website, Safety Net Project is a dedicated website to keeping women who have experienced domestic abuse safe online. They have a toolkit for survivors focused on tech safety and privacy. This toolkit is very precise, it includes information on stalkware, smart cars and other smart tech you may not have considered such as smart pet devices.

Women shouldn’t feel they have to reduce their use of tech or have to delete their social media accounts and get rid of their smartphone. This is not only
unrealistic, it punishes the victim and cuts them off from their social and support networks, leaving them isolated. Instead, let’s use tech safely, smartly and take some simple steps to address potential vulnerabilities.

Dating Apps & Online dating

Meeting people online has become the norm, currently around 15 million UK singles are registered on dating sites and in fact – it’s how a quarter of couples met their other half. With so many different online dating options, millions of people to search through and so many horror stories, it’s really important that you know how to keep yourself safe on dating apps.

Different dating platforms attract different types of people due to their reputation. Some sites are known for being hook-up & affair sites, so if you’re looking for a serious relationship, these would be best avoided. Research before signing up and find out what the dating website is all about. Look to see if there are there lots of bad stories due to the nature of the site, and more importantly, what does the dating site do to keep you safe? The vast majority of people using dating apps, are there with good, honest intentions but it is worth being cautious about those who may have another purpose in mind.

No matter the dating app or its features, it’s important to keep in mind that any dating site has the potential for fake accounts. There are no apps that are truly able to verify the identity of its members, nor do they perform background checks. But you can do things on your own to make yourself safer.

One of the golden rules of online dating is don’t exchange personal information. This starts with the username you pick, avoid something that might give away information about you, such as your surname, age/year of birth. Second, until you’ve met and feel you can trust the person you’ve met online, don’t share your address, where you work /study, your phone number or email address. Check that the dating app you are using doesn’t share your location, you should avoid having information on your profile that would make it easy for a stranger to steal your identity or track you down in real life.

It’s safer to keep using the messaging function within the dating app or site until you feel you have met and can trust them. The dating messaging service is there for daters safety. Be wary of someone who wants to move the chat off the dating app or service shortly after meeting. If they ask for your number, or ask you to email them or switch to WhatsApp (a common trick among scammers is to say their subscription is running out), just politely decline and say it’s nothing personal, it’s just your policy not to.

Early declarations of love to someone you have never met is a common scammer technique.  Dating services are a brilliant way of getting started, but be wary of those who profess love quickly via messages, or who message you constantly and at odd hours but always have an excuse as to why they can’t meet in person or over video message.

Just like when you meet someone face-to-face, your instincts will tell you if something’s not right. Maybe they won’t tell you much about themselves but ask you a ton of questions. If it feels weird, chances are it’s not what it seems. Trust your instincts and be cautious until you’ve had long enough to really get to know someone. And if you’re really not sure, run it by a friend that you trust to get some advice.

Don’t be afraid to report certain behaviour to the dating app you are using. If someone asks you for money, they’re almost certainly a scammer. They might tell you they need to buy a plane ticket, that they’re widowed, that their relative is sick or that they will give you something in return. Whatever the story, never give out your bank details or give someone money and if they ask, stop replying and report them immediately to protect both you and others from being scammed. You should also report someone if you feel sure you’re talking to someone who isn’t who they say they are, or if they’re threatening, offensive or insulting towards you.

Talking to someone should go at your pace and you should feel comfortable at all times.

How to get help…

There are many National support groups available to give you advice and guidance.

Women can call the National Domestic Abuse Freephone helpline on 0808 2000 247

Scottish Women’s Aid and LGBT domestic abuse in Scotland are excellent support group websites.

You can contact us on 01856 877900 or email us for advice at info@womensaidorkney.org.uk

If you or your children are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. If you can’t talk, call 999 followed by 55 to indicate you need help, but can’t talk.

16 Days of Action – Keeping Children Safe Online

As part of this year 16 Days of Action, we are putting together a selection of blog posts, that highlight different topics. This posts will focus on grooming and keeping children and young people safe online.

What is grooming?

Online grooming is when someone uses the internet to trick, force or pressure a young person into doing something sexual – like sending a naked video or image of themselves.

Someone who’s grooming children online will often build their trust before talking about doing anything sexual or suggest meeting up with them in person. It’s sometimes not easy to know if someone’s trying to groom you, this is why it’s really important to understand the dangers of talking to someone you don’t know online.

Remember that there isn’t one ‘type’ of groomer. Many different kinds of people use the internet to manipulate young people into sharing sexual images of themselves. Often it’s an adult pretending to be a young person – but not always.

A groomer can use the same sites, games and apps as young people, spending time learning about a young person’s interests and use this to build a relationship with them.

Whether online or in person, groomers can use tactics like:

  • Buying gifts.
  • Giving advice or showing understanding.
  • Giving attention.

Groomers might also try and isolate children from their friends and family, making them feel dependent on them and giving them power and control over them. They might use blackmail to make a child feel guilt and shame or introduce the idea of ‘secrets’ to control, frighten and intimidate.

It’s important to remember that children and young people may not understand they’ve been groomed. They may have complicated feelings, like loyalty, admiration, love, as well as fear, distress and confusion.

A survey from Hopes and Streams from the London Grid for Learning revealed that 2 in 5 young people had never told anyone about the worst thing that had happened to them online. With this in mind, it is very hard to know the statistics on how common grooming is online.

What is Sexting?

Sexting is when you share an image or video with someone that is of a sexual nature. After a video or image is shared, you can loose control of what happens to it, there is a possibility it could be posted to websites, shared with other people or used as blackmail.

It can be terrifying finding out a nude image or video of you has been shared online. But Childline can help, they have the Report Remove Tool. It guides you to make a report to the Internet Watch Foundation without anyone getting involved. They will speak to the website to try and get it removed on your behalf.

Grooming can happen offline aswell


Grooming can happen with people you already know in person, for example through your family or at a club you go to.

If someone is an abuser, they might be nice to you, give you their attention and buy you gifts to try and make you like them. Once you start to trust them more, they might try to start to turn your relationship into something more sexual. They might threaten you with violence so that you don’t tell anyone.

People like this can be very convincing and will try really hard to get you to do what they want. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s a good idea to tell someone you trust. If anyone is making you feel uncomfortable because they’re saying or doing sexual things to you, you should tell someone what is happening.

Grooming can have both short and long-term effects. The impact of grooming can last a lifetime, no matter whether it happened in person, online or both.

A child or young person might have difficulty sleeping, be anxious or struggle to concentrate or cope with school work. They may become withdrawn, uncommunicative and angry or upset.

Getting Help…

There are many National support groups available to give you help and advice.

CEOP make reporting online grooming easy. Whether you’re a parent, carer, worried adult or young person, you can make a CEOP report online.

PACE works with parents and carers of children who are, or at risk of, sexual exploitation. You can call them for confidential help and advice on 0113 240 5226 or fill in their online form.

Whether the grooming is happening now or happened in the past, Childline can be contacted 24/7. Calls to 0800 1111 are free and confidential. Children can also contact Childline online. Childline has information and advice for children and young people about online grooming and keeping safe online.

Women can call the National Domestic Abuse Freephone helpline on 0808
2000 247

Scottish
Women’s Aid
 and LGBT domestic abuse in Scotland are excellent support
group websites.

You can contact us on 01856 877900 or email us for advice
at info@womensaidorkney.org.uk

If you or your children are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. If
you can’t talk, call 999 followed by 55 to indicate you need help, but can’t
talk.

16 Days of Action – Financial Abuse

Throughout 16 Days of Action we will be sharing a selection of blog posts on different topics, this post will focus on financial abuse and the cost of living crisis.

What is financial abuse?

Financial abuse is a means of controlling someone through taking away control of finances and resources. Financial abuse is also known interchangeably as economic abuse and both are a form of coercive control. In the absence of resources, it can be extremely difficult to leave an abusive relationship and see a life beyond abuse. Financial abuse can be the control of liquid assets (e.g. your wages) or equity (e.g. your house). The manipulation of money and other economic resources is one of the most prominent forms of coercive control, depriving women of the material means needed for independence, resistance and escape.

While financial abuse is most frequently committed by a partner – a family member or other party known to the woman can use coercive control in this way.

Sometimes it can take a long time to realise you are being financially abused or for you to label what is happening as ‘abuse’. But if you feel uncomfortable about the way that someone you know is behaving with your money, they may be financially abusing you. This list can help you identify if that is what’s happening:

  • Forces you to take out money or get credit in your name.
  • Makes you hand over control of your accounts – this could include changing your login details.
  • Cashes in your pension or other cheques without your permission.
  • Adds their name to your account.
  • Pressures you to change your will in a way you’re not comfortable with.
  • Has offered to buy shopping or pay bills with your money, but takes it, and doesn’t use the money how you agreed.
  • Asks you prove what you’ve spent your money on.
  • Stops you accessing your bank, loan or credit card accounts.
  • Controls what you can and can’t spend your money on.
  • Sets up Direct Debits from your account to pay bills which aren’t yours or pay for goods and services which you haven’t bought.
  • Pressures you to arrange for your benefits to be paid into a bank account you don’t have access to.

Research from Women’s Aid shows that 20% of UK women experienced financial abuse in either a current or past relationship. Women’s Aid also reported in 2019 that just under half of survivors of abuse who have children said they did not have enough money to pay for essentials for the children.

If you think your perpetrator is monitoring your devices, try and access help on a computer or phone they don’t have access to at work, in a library or by borrowing a friend’s. We also have a blog post on tech abuse that gives detailed help and support on how to keep yourself and devises safe.

Many victims of physical, sexual and emotional abuse are likely to also be suffering financial abuse.

The cost of living crisis and the effects it can have on an abusive relationship.

The cost of living crisis is estimated to be affecting 46 million British people, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS). While this is worrying for the average household, in homes where there is an abuser, the rising costs have their own terrifying consequences. Many women who face domestic abuse already experience economic control by their perpetrator. This financial disadvantage means these women face further barriers when trying to leave, recover and rebuild their lives after abuse. The soaring cost of living heightens this crisis, making it even harder for women to escape abuse.

According to new research from Women’s Aid the cost of living crisis is already stopping victims from leaving an abuser: 73% of women living with or who have financial links with the perpetrator said that the cost of living crisis had either prevented them from leaving, or made it harder for them to do so. “While living with the trauma of abuse” Women’s Aid reports “74 per cent are worried about paying bills and 61 per cent being able to afford food” Farah Nazeer, chief executive of Women’s Aid said: “The current cost of living crisis has been devastating for survivors of domestic abuse. The soaring energy and food costs, coupled with stagnant wages, will leave many women more vulnerable.”

Women’s Aid and Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA) are calling on the Government for an Emergency Domestic Abuse Fund to support survivors with energy bills and essential items, reduced bills for refuges, and better access to legal aid for victims and survivors.

https://www.improvementservice.org.uk/

How to get help…

Everyone has the right to financial independence. If your partner or someone else you know is running up debts in your name, it’s financial abuse. There’s no need to struggle alone.

There are many National support groups available to give you advice and guidance.

Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA), the UK’s only charity specifically dedicated to supporting people experiencing economic and financial abuse, contact the free Financial Support Line, call 0808 1968845

Women can call the National Domestic Abuse Freephone helpline on 0808 2000 247

Scottish Women’s Aid and LGBT domestic abuse in Scotland are excellent support group websites.

StepChange is a debt charity, where you can receive free debt advice.

Women’s Aid Orkney are here to help and our support workers can help support any woman experiencing financial abuse.

If you or your children are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. If you can’t talk, call 999 followed by 55 to indicate you need help, but can’t talk.

For anyone who has concerns regarding the cost of living crisis, Martin Lewis has some great advice and support on his website, including a cost of living help guide. https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/

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